I'm bringing Xanga back - drop a comment if you're with me!

there are so many things that people don't know about me.  when i am quiet i am usually deep in thought or observing what is going on around me.  recently my thoughts have been coming back to the same general thought of how many different people i know.  what is friendship? and when is the line of friendship crossed?  am i so blind to a guy's intentions that i can't see what he really wants?  maybe i just have bad judgement.  there are times when i think that a guy wants something more, but the relationship stays strictly 'just friends',  but when i think that a guy and i are just friends, he wants something more.  is it so hard for a guy to be only friends with a girl when he has feelings for her? because that seems to be the general consenus.  i have liked guys before that saw me as just friends, and even though it was hard to be just friends, i have remained in touch with them, and still have their friendship.  i can't bring myself to cut a guy that i care about completely out of my life because he doesn't want or feel what i do. 

i get to think about many things over break.  like relationships... i really have to stop being so shy... you don't know how much i beat myself up over letting people that are important to me go unknowing of my feelings.  don't get me wrong.. im not too shy around people, im just shy around relationship issue stuff. i've always been the girl that lets the guy make the first move.  but what happens when there is a guy just as shy, if not more shy, than me?? maybe it's just a self confidence thing.. and now he's out of my reach, moved on, and i let him, i let him... and you know the awful thing about it is if i could go back and do it again, id say that i would take the initiative with him, but in reality, id probably let him go again... unless i was almost certain that he shared the same feelings that i had. does that make me and awful person?? does that make me hopeless??